How online love resists
He was very careful and was afraid of my concerns, so he left his phone first.
Did I create him?
I asked myself.
No, I know very well.
I’m not worried about what will happen when I meet, nor am I saying that I can’t see anyone. I’m still a little confident about my appearance.
I was afraid that after meeting, the true feelings could hardly believe that I was lost, and I found my way back. I also know that this relationship can only be a silent ending.
Geographical, cultural differences, different living habits, even if I can deal with these, can I break through the twists and turns with him?
Think about it and know that this is just a dream of Nan Ke, I don’t have that courage.
Ming Yang is a netizen I met on the Internet two years ago.
Ever since I wrote online, I have been receiving emails from netizens. When I received the e-mails, I was not surprised. I usually wrote back to him.
I have always adhered to the principle that every letter must be restored.
After several email exchanges, we established a preliminary friendship. Due to the speculative discourse, the talks were very enjoyable, and we chatted more and more.
Later, he passed on his picture for me to see.
A tall, elegant middle-aged man in the photo sits leisurely in the grassy courtyard, and a white building is hidden in the green shade behind him.
His calm black man hung one?
With a shallow smile, my eyes seemed to be looking at me, and it seemed that I just looked up to see the flowing clouds in the high sky. There was a kind of confused emotion between the eyebrows, and his eyes were long and sad.
Looking at his picture on the screen, I was silent for a while, his sad eyes kept coming to his mind, and his sharp, fortitude face appeared.
Admittedly, he is the type of man I like.
I have always admired mature, stable, and slightly sad men, and those sad eyes will catch me inadvertently.
After reading his photos, every time I receive an e-mail from him, my heart will be as shallow as sand flowing with joy.
Reading and replying to letters is a happy and happy process.
I treasure every e-mail he sends, and collect it in a folder, just like collecting treasures.
Slowly, after the depth of communication, I felt more and more that I was in love with him.
I always indulge in sentimental or happiness in the storyline of my own conception, and there are distant mountains and tresses in total, trying his various and hypothetical possibilities of meeting.
It reminds him that he is always inadvertent, that feeling of joy and pain coexist.
I started looking forward to his mail day by day.
I never thought that he would be so far away from me, far from a Pacific Ocean.
When he told me he was in San Francisco, I was stunned.
There are still many things that amaze me. He actually runs a small company himself . Looking at the text flashing on the screen, my mind is gradually mixed into one piece, and I don’t know what is in this matterHow real?
But what reason does he need to lie to me?
I can’t find a reason why he should lie to me.
It’s just that my inner anxiety is so strong. I control myself not to think about him or to like him, just as if he was just a completely strange netizen who can only chat.
“Don’t expect anything more. He can only be a strange netizen who soothes his internal wounds when he is lonely. Because of strangeness, he talks.
“I warned myself over and over again.
The truest thoughts in my heart can’t fool myself, no matter if he is in the corner of the earth, I like him.
It doesn’t have to be together, just being able to like it is enough.
But I don’t want to sink myself too deeply, for fear of being lost in the journey of love.
I control my thoughts, but every time I receive his e-mail, my heart will still ripple with waves of happiness.Looking at the bright screen, my thoughts were full.
I couldn’t let him have any chance, because I was afraid that he wouldn’t end, so I treated him calmly and even indifferently. My flat tone finally caused his uneasiness.
“what happened to you?
Why not happy?
Like a little stomachache, isn’t it unhappy?
. “He asked me tenderly in the letter.
I dare not tell him my feelings again, I’m afraid we’re all too deep.
In the past, I would tell him all about my real life situation and mood. When I saw his photo, I told him outspokenly, “I like you!
I like the shallow smile on your face and the anxiety and pain in your eyes, I hope I can bring you a little happiness!
“But since I knew his superior family background, I started to flinch.
There is nowhere to hide my inferiority.
I understand the gap between me and him, and I don’t want to let my pure feelings become secular, and make him think that I like him for another purpose.
I really hope that he is just an ordinary person in China, so that I can be more comfortable and make myself more pure in love.
I carefully responded to his e-mail and did not dare to let the true feelings unfold.
He would understand at a glance.
“Why are you getting colder with me?
Even the simple chirp has turned into a false voice?
Am I so scary?
What are you afraid of me?
Have you already loved something else, and I have become a dispensable being?
. “He questioned me in the email for the first time.
I am speechless.
Can I tell him my contradiction?
No, he is just a stranger, the most familiar stranger.
Contacts dwindled, and I always dragged on and on before replying to his email.
Eager expectations turned into simple greetings, and sometimes even that greeting was insincere.
I thought he would contact me at this point.
On the Internet, Ping Juping San is a common thing. How many network feelings can be maintained?
Loving couples in life have a day of separation, not to mention this virtual online world?
I believe that he must be very popular in life, coupled with his prominent family background, it is difficult for him to not want to be a “xiangxiang”.
When I look back at his enthusiastic and tender emails, I have doubts about myself. He can say these things to me, can he do it to others?
He said he loved me, really?
How sincere is this relationship?
Why did he choose me?
Ordinary I am really confused when facing such a relationship.
He loves me, what loves me?
Will the thoughts of a distant Pacific Ocean come true one day?
I dare not expect it.
His mail has not diminished because of my indifference.
At intervals, he still sends warm letters, his blessings, and his greetings remain.Looking at the letter, my heart was filled with warmth.
But I never told him.
Last year, something happened in my life that I had never encountered before, and I brought this depressed mood into the article.
I think he should understand. His words in the e-mail are more gentle, and he will explain to me without any detail, with comfort, encouragement, and tenderness.
I never told him anything, I didn’t want him to be sad and sad for me.
There will always be some encounters in human life, but this encounter is beyond my imagination, and I cannot solve it.
Silently feeling the blessings and comforts of coming to a foreign country, I couldn’t stop crying at the flashing screen.
A person persisted for a long time, I thought I was strong, I thought I could face alone, but on a quiet night, when I was lying in the darkness, I looked up at the empty sky, I seemed to fall into the bottomless abyss, and tears were in my eyesTurn around, helpless, helpless, lost, come in.
I longed to hear a sincere greeting, longed for a front to lean on, and someone to hold me tightly in my arms so that I would not be so lonely.
At that time, I missed him especially, hoping that he was around.
Mingyang’s blessing is like the warm sun in the winter, so I find the advantage of warmth in the cold.
After leaving the misty rainy season, I no longer held back, and told him all my thoughts.
I don’t care what he thinks of me anymore, I just want to tell him my love, I need a warm embrace, so that the constant wandering heart can settle down.
After experiencing too many stories of love and being loved, I gradually became tired and longed for a peaceful living space.
I said to him, just let me love you across a network, this is enough.
I never thought that he would ask for a meeting, after all, they were far apart.
I never thought we would meet one day, across the Pacific, is it possible?
I rarely go out in the city where I live.
I just hope that he is a lover on my network, can talk, soothe, and let the heart and the heart communicate and blend in the vast network world. I used to think that this could be permanent.
I don’t want to have only one night in his life, although it is real, but too short, I hope to be able to fall in love with him through the Internet for a long time.
The single shadow is not too scary, because I have love in my heart and I am not alone.
When I walked into the turbulent crowd and saw the couples holding hands and holding their waists, I didn’t envy their intimacy at all. Who knows how much truth is behind this lingering surface?
Falsehood is a mask that humans are used to.
My heart is full of ripples of happiness, because I know that there is another person who loves me in this vast crowd. Maybe I will never meet in this life, but what does it matter?
As an unfamiliar netizen, he can persist for two years to care about my mood and follow my articles, and I am very satisfied.
”Ming Yang, let’s not meet, we have seen each other’s photos, so we are connected and blessed, okay?
In the face of you, I am confident, but I do not have the courage to bring this network-originated feeling into real life.
I’m afraid I’ll get lost, afraid that this is just a phantom.
You know that I love you, what I love is the feeling established in the network. I don’t know if everything will change after leaving the network . “I returned a piece of unordered and chaotic letter, just like my mood.
The letter is very long, but what you want to say can’t be finished.
In fact, I want to see him, I also have this curiosity, I want to see this man who loves me through the Internet, and I want to bring this feeling from the Internet into real life, but I have no courage.
I don’t know what should I do after meeting?
Love or not?
Don’t meet, it’s good, simple blessings are enough.
Contradictions are contradictions.
I made my choice and sent a letter telling him what he thought.
I can’t be too greedy, when I want too much, I may lose everything.
I politely rejected Ming Yang’s request to meet, still hiding behind the Internet and loving him, and silently wishing him a blessing.
I think Ming Yang will understand, after all, he can understand my mood through my text; after all, this love through the Internet has lasted for two years.